cuteness

We now interrupt this blog to bring you the following cuteness.

Bailee's second day of school. She is SO grown up, I just couldn't resist a photo op.

Oh yes, a dancing photo...... ain't she cute????

Her class :) Waiting for the teacher. I can't get photos of her dancing because they close the door and don't really let parents in. I will try next time :)

Wow.

I am sitting here listening to Justin scream at EVERYTHING and my head is just about to explode.

I am tired of the fighting.

I am tired of the "NO!" and the "I HATE YOU"

I am tired of Bailee not listening.

I am tired of getting lip from Kevin everytime I ask him to do one of his chores of which he gets PAID to do.

I am TIRED.

I am fucking tired.

I am seconds from tears. My head is going to fucking explode.

I NEED A FUCKING BREAK.

I tried to get one Saturday night. I went to a party....... I was gone from 9pm until 12pm. At that time I got a text that said that Jesse had installed a locator on my phone. To find out where I was. I got PISSED. and it ruined my night so I just went home.

I love being watched when all I wanted was a little break.

Because GOD KNOWS that my boyfriend does NOTHING when he lays in bed until 10am while I am up at 6:30am to shower and get the kids ready for school and try to clean up a little.

I am doing a full time courseload of school. Taking care of the kids and the house. Cooking dinner by myself every night and trying to make sure that Kevin practices his baratone and does his homework and cleaning up after the cats..... ( which is better because half of them have been treated with vet grade flea treatment )

I have been cleaning carpets for 2 days. ( thank god )

But I AM FUCKING INSANELY EXHAUSTED AND TIRED AND TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER BUT JUST LOST IT WHEN JUSTIN SCREAMED AT ME FOR @ MINUTES AND MY HEAD EXPLODED ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM WALL.

fuck.

On top of that.....

My mother's funeral is on Thursday.

I can't go to class on wednesday night because I don't have a ride there and back and no one to watch the kids.....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

Calgon, take me away!

So tell me.......

What do you think about computer addiciton?????







Boring, I know... but hey, we are learning, aren't we????

Wayyyyy too much school going on here.

Wow, it's been forever.

Sorry.

Everyone started school. Including me..... and hi, my name is divorcedandsassy and I am a college student at 32... ahemmmm, yes I said that out loud.

Wow, I am taking 12 credit hours of classes. That averages out to like 4 classes. 3 are online and keeping me busy as hell and 1 I actually have to go to. Lucky for me, all of my classes this round are computer centered. That means I get to play with programs and shit. Mostly new stuff. Kinda hot, right?

So the one class I have to go to is every wednesday night. I am the second YOUNGEST one in the class. I LOVE that. And, the professor is Jesse's nephews computer teacher. ( small world, I know ) so her and I are like "this".

I am doing well in all my classes. My grades range from a 95 to 100 on homework and tests. I am doing well and not getting too stressed out. So, it is goooooooooooood.

Bailee starts school tomorrow. **sniff sniff.......

I can't believe it. I mean, it's only PreK, but still. I can't believe how much she's growing up!!!! I will post pictures tomorrow...... *** I am getting teary eyed already!

Kevin started FOURTH grade last week. He's another one that's just growing TOO FAST! FOURTH GRADE!!! wow. I don't even know where the time went. He's so smart and getting so big. I don't even know what to do.

I posted a ton of pics from the first day of Kevin's school on my myspace site. Take a looksie.

Anywhooooo, Jesse started school too. AND he's working 2nd shift so we are back to never seeing each other. I'm lonely on days like this. It's cold and time for snuggling.

booooooooo for being lonely.

Oh, and Bailee is in dance class. She has her second class on Saturday. I will be taking pictures of that too. She didn't have her clothes for class so I didn't take pics on her first day. But after MUCH shopping around for the best prices, we got her a leotard and tights. Her shoes are next.... but still. SO EFFING CUTE!!!

I guess that is all. I am off to do more homework.

peace out.

Titanic

I am sitting here in the dark in my living room. Listening to the TV play the sounds of the movie Titanic.......

Such memories.

I remember my trip to Ithaca with Allyn. We were together a couple of weeks.... if that. We drove in his S10 pickup down to Ithaca because I asked him to. Because I needed to get away. He took me to meet his father and step mother.......

We got there late and decided to see a movie. The movie? Titanic.

That weekend was the most amazing weekend. We stayed in a hotel the first night, after the movie. He made me feel amazing. We had champagne. In fact, I still had the cork until the day I packed up his clothes after he left. 7 years later.

7 years is a long time.

I saw him tonight. For the first time in a long time. He looked good and was about to celebrate his 33rd birthday with his new found friends at some place called "wine thief". For a moment, I was jealous.......

And then to turn on the TV and see that Titanic is the only thing worth watching on my 300 channels.

sigh.

What a night......... alone.


I hate second shift.

Update on the cat situation

Shannon came and took 6 cats.

6 down, 15 more to go.

Cats

So last night I decided to bring up getting rid of the cats.

Since I have had A LOT of "talks" with Jesse lately I figured since he promised me we would get rid of the cats..... it's about time for another talk.

The convo:

me: Shannon has a friend who has a farm and she's willing to take all the cats so they can be together.

Jesse: WHICH CATS????

Me: all of them except Jax and Marly, oh and lola and her kittens. But they can go once they are all old enough.

Jesse: BUT THEY ARENT OUTSIDE CATS!

Me: They are cats, they will adapt. And they will get to live together.

Jesse: silence.

Me: getting angry.

He doesn't plan on getting rid of any cat.

Here's the thing.

The cats piss on MY SIDE of the bed atleast 3-4 times a week. Thus causing me to wash all my bedding 3-4 times a week....... causing us to go through a bottle of laundry soap once a week.

The cats piss on the carpet in ATLEAST 4-5 different spots EVERYDAY.

The cats shit in various spots..... mostly its kitten shit that I find but today, it was adult shit.

The food bill for 21 cats???? A medium sized bag of cat food.... at 13.99 a bag, EVERY 3 DAYS!!!!

The litter bill???? 1 28 pound bucket of litter every 3 days ( sometimes less ) those are around 11.00 a bucket.

So yet again, the cats are out of food, the litter boxes haven't been done in 2 days cuz we are out of litter. We need just about EVERY grocery there is. I have school supplies to get.

I am fucking stressed out.

There's isn't enough money to support these cats. I want them out. I will find a way to get rid of them today.


Edited to add.....

We are not allowed to have posters on the walls in the kids' rooms. Because of the cats. We are not allowed to have curtains hanging or to buy new blinds. Because of the cats. The carpet in this apartment is TORN UP and will have to be replaced when we move. Because of the cats. We lost a cable box because the cats pissed on it. The kids toys are all in sealed bins because the cats have pissed inside their bins MORE THAN ONCE. I can't keep ANYTHING out that is related to food.... like if I bake brownies or take something out for dinner to thaw.... because of the cats. My 100 year old snake charmers basket from my great grandfather is ruined. because of the cats. Justin has a thomas the tank backpack full of trains that he carries around with him that the cats have pissed in NUMEROUS times. He got a new wooden train from the Elmwood Art Festival and as soon as he brought it home the cats pissed on it. Kitty has attacked Justins face and Kevins legs ( and my legs for that matter ) to the point of tears on all 3 of us. I have to take Bailee's bedding off her bed everyday because the cats sleep up there and they all have fleas and leave flea poop and blood spots all over causing me to vaccuum her bed every night before she gets into it.... and wash her sheets everyday. Now, Kevins bed has to be vaccuumed every night and his sheets have to be washed everyday because of the flew poop and eggs. My landlords are claiming that they have fleas now..... they don't have animals. Bailee is going to have to start sleeping in Kevin and Justins room because her room doesn't have a door ( the landlords are fixing it ) and the disgusting flea spots I found on her PILLOW today mean that will be a permanent situation. I don't have a lot of cupboard space so I was storing things like chips and cereal on top of the fridge..... until the other day I was cleaning and found a puddle of cat piss on top of the fridge.

The list goes on.

WHY doesn't he see a problem????

WHY?

update

Wow, I don't even know where to start.

Jesse and I have had a million conversations about what I am going to do. I have told him that I am leaving him....... I have told him that I don't love him anymore...... I have told him that I have a friend that I care A LOT about.......

The responses I get???? In order of the things I told him above.

I don't want Justin to grow up with a broken home.

Don't you think every couple goes through this????

Im not very happy about it, but what can I do?

oy vay.

This is A LOT harder than I thought.

I don't want to hurt him. I just want some sort of happiness and right now that happiness comes with Bob and his kids. He is amazing in EVERY way. He makes me laugh, smile and feel amazing with everything he says to me. He is so sweet and so caring towards my kids...... god I just want a GOOD father for my kids.

ya know????

I want someone who won't be mad when the kids are cutting paper. I want someone who would be happy to see Kevin and Bailee come home from a weekend away. I want someone who won't ignore them..... all of them.

Is that so bad?

And right now, Bob is amazing and the kids actually ASK when he's coming over. Jesse doesn't stand a chance in these kids' eyes as long as Bob is around.

Ugh.

Bob spent the day here yesterday. He got out of work around 7am and came right over. He was here until 3:15pm...... he had to go back to work at 7pm and work until 7am so he needed sleep. Otherwise I would have kept him here all frickin day. God he is amazing.

Other than the Bob thing, not too much going on here. I am trying to get the kids ready for school but of course Allyn had to go and fuck that whole thing up.

I got child support for August on the 8th. I paid my half the rent, got some groceries and got the children each 3 outfits for the first week of school. I also got them both sneakers. That pretty much ate up all the money.......

The reason I only got them 3 outfits was because child support was due again on 9/6 and I thought that on that weekend I could go get them 3 more outfits and maybe a pair of dressier shoes. The kids start school on 9/3. See my logic???

So I would pay my half the rent and get the kids set for a full week of school. Supplies are coming out of Jesse's check this week. Which means we will be a-ok, right????

WRONG.

See, Allyn has been driving a company truck since the spring. He has known that he would need to get his own car by the end of the summer since then. So, what does he do???? He buys a motorcycle. He tells me that he bought it because he needed to get something to drive to and from work after August 31.

So this past week I check with him about the date of child support. He asks me to sign online.

ugh, here we go.

So he says he was going to ask if he could pay child support on 9/19 instead. Why? because he has to buy a car by the end of the summer.

So I ask, innocently.... what about your motorcycle? can't you drive that? I have to get the kids the rest of their school stuff.

He FLEW off the handle at me. OMG. He FREAKED. He said its none of my business and that I KNEW that the kids needed school stuff for the whole summer and WHY is it coming up now.

whoah.

So I say, I didn't mean to make you angry. I was just asking.

He flew off the handle again.

Saying things like he is tired of supporting 2 extra people in this house and that I am not doing my share in raising these kids.

whoah again.....

I get mad and say..... ok, Im going to go now.

and I end the IM session.

WTF?????

So he texts me and says "the worst part is that you don't even know why I am mad"

OMG......

then he texts me and says if I want to talk to sign back online.

So I do ( mistake, I know )

and he goes on and on about how he's tired of supporting J and J and that his money needs to be used for the kids and the kids only and that this shit had to stop.

So apparently, his 775 dollars per month is supporting this family of 5, didn't you know that?????

Cuz that's what it takes to support a family of 5.

yeah MAYBE IF WE LIVED ON THE STREETS!

Fuck him

So he has been an asshole to me ever since.

He wants to pay cs in the middle of the month. Ok fine. Im ok with that. But he didn't have to be an ass about it.

fucker.

God love ex husbands.......

Oh and he's now fucking TWO secretaries from work.

OMG

I hate this.

I am torn between leaving and staying.

I have my reasons for both and they are damn good ones. I just wish I could leave and live alone. I wish it didn't have to be with someone. I wish I could afford my own place. I am scared to jump into another relationship and to end up like I am now..... I have spent the last 12 years of my life "trapped" and I don't want to be that way anymore.

Is that so wrong?

7 years with Allyn and 5 years with Jesse. WHY do I do this to myself?

On Monday Jesse stayed home from work. When we returned home from getting something for lunch the cat was on the porch that I threw out last week Friday. He saw the cat and the cat looked ragged and ran from us. Jesse asked me if I REALLY gave the cat to a friend. I said yes because there were kids around and I really didn't want a fight. So I told the kids to go outside and play in the back yard and I stayed in the house to talk to Jesse. I told him the truth....... he got pissed.

PISSED.

So we fought for the entire afternoon. I told him to get out, he wouldn't leave. Then he said I could leave and leave Justin with him. I said NO FUCKING WAY. Then we argued. I calmed down and told him that he KNOWS how this works. He was with me when I divorced Allyn and he KNOWS that custody ALWAYS goes with the mother. He just walked away. I sat on my bed and thought OMG, he will put Justin through this just to spite me. Then I pictured me leaving and him tugging on Justin and Justin crying.

I can't do this guys. I don't want to screw up my kids. It seems that I am damned if I do and damned if I don't at this point.

Allyn wants me out of here. He HATES Jesse. I want out because Jesse annoys the fuck out of me sometimes. And don't get me started on these cats. I do love Jesse in some ways. I am just not IN LOVE with him.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Help.

Cats

Well, it seems we now have 21 cats in the house. We had a pregnant kitty and didn't even know it. She had one kitten last night, in the middle of our bed.

No I haven't slept.

Yes I am crabby as fuck.

Let me just say...... Willow, who had the 6 kittens awhile ago is VERY protective of her little ones. Kitty, who had a kitten last night is also VERY protective. Kitty and Willow have to be separated. They have already been in about 3 fights this morning thus involving the other male cats who hurt Jesse the other day making it for a VERY uncomfy situation in my house...... Kitty was freaking out because a male cat was growling and she attacked my leg. I am cut up pretty bad. I called Jesse crying and he said "we will handle it this weekend"...... and behind my breath I was saying BULLSHIT. I WILL HANDLE IT NOW!

He said "Im sorry it has come to this"......

yeah, me too.

Fuck my leg hurts.

I want to thank you all for your support in my post yesterday. That reason is the reason I have been so blog quiet lately. I didn't want to post it and have something happen. I have had my hopes up SO MANY TIMES before.

Honestly, I think I am ready to go. I am not sure when it will happen but it WILL happen. Even if the kids have to change schools over the school year. I do want to wait, but something is pulling me to B and away from J. Maybe it's my happiness??? I don't know.

I just want to be happy.

The l word was used yesterday between B and I. I told Kevin about whats happening. He told me he wouldn't miss J at all if we didn't live here. That said so much to me..... in fact it screamed at me. I feel horrible that it took this long.

I was thinking that MAYBE I could get J to live somewhere else and I could stay here. I MIGHT be able to get Allyn to help with the bills a bit. If not maybe J will help contribute....... I'm just not sure. It's all making my stomach hurt.

Thanks again guys. I love you all....... so so so so sos os sososososoosososo much.

HELP

I know it's been awhile.

I am sorry.

Kay, I didn't ignore your comment about emailing you, I just didn't want to jinx it in any way. I hope you understand :)

First off, we now have 20 cats in this house. As of last night. Lola, who isn't even a year old, had 4 kittens. After what occurred yesterday morning........ ( HUGE cat fight and Jesse got in the middle trying to break it up thus causing him to get hurt pretty bad thus causing us to take him to the ER because the last batch of scratches he had from a fight swelled up and hurt like an SOB for TWO WEEKS ) I have officially called the ASPCA. ALL OF THEM are going. That will leave us with 2 cats. that are fixed. Yesterday, after the attack, Jesse was balling uncontrollably at the thought of getting rid of just the boy cats that were fighting. It broke my heart to see him hurt like that..... but ya know what???? I had to have Bailee sleep in Kevin and Justins room last night because it is the only bedroom ( besides mine ) that has a door. Why? because the cats keep fighting. Yes again, round 3 actually.... at 3am.

Jesse will hate me. For more reasons than just this..........

As everyone knows, my relationship with Jesse has been up and down and sideways for YEARS. We probably wouldn't be together if it hadn't of been for Justin. And honestly, I am just as guilty of that choice as he is...... There are many reasons that it's not working and all of those reasons NEVER change no matter how much I threaten that I WILL leave. I won't go into specifics. But they are good enough reasons to leave. I don't want to trash him. He is a good person when he wants to be and I really don't want to hurt him..... I just can't live like this anymore.

I have been seeing someone else.

I promised myself I wouldn't cheat again and it has been a year or so since I have..... the problem is this just fell into my lap and this is NOT about sex AT ALL. AND I have known this person since I was 18.

In all honesty I have had a crush on him for YEARS. He has always been such a stand up guy, a great father, a great husband and a VERY loving person since I have known him. That hasn't changed no matter what he has gone through........

He has walked into my life and swept me off my feet. The way he cares, the way he treats my children and the way he loves ( yes I said it ) me and the kids makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My heart flutters everytime he texts or calls me...... When he isn't working 12 hour shifts we are together with ALL of our children and its amazing. AMAZING. I don't even know if there are any negatives to him..... I mean... I KNOW, I just don't care.....??? if that's possible. He has asked me to move in with him. I told him that I want to wait a year until school ends next year and that I don't want to rush into things. Especially since Kevin has A LOT to look forward to this coming year. He has a house, with a backyard and wants me to come and repaint and finish the things that his ex wife tore up.......

I don't know what to do guys. Honestly, I am scared to death. If I uproot my kids it will be FOREVER and I THOUGHT that a year would prove that maybe he's into it forever.... even tho he has NO DOUBT that he is, I still have doubt because I am an ass.... sigh.

What do I do?

Yes, J can be an asshole. But what happens if the cats go and things get better? MOST of my miserable-ness is because I spent HOURS AND HOURS cleaning up after the cats. What if I am just being miserable and looking for something better because of something stupid?

HELP.

REALLY??????

Really????

Let me first tell you that Bob and his kids were here on Friday. We all went to Kevins school playground and then he left 2 of the kids with me while he went to the laundromat...... They BOTH wanted to stay with me..... While he was gone I took the kids to the park down the street for a couple of hours.... it was a GREAT day.

The day started off strangely because apparently Lisa is telling her children that I am horrible and I did awful things to her and that Bob is "hooking up with me" and that once he does that he won't have time for HIS OWN CHILDREN because he will be worrying about MY children.

Yeah.

So, I told Bob, don't sweat it. Let her be an ass. I will talk to Maria ( the oldest ) about that whole "did bad things to her mom" stuff and hopefully it will be fine. I talked to maria and told her that sometimes friends do bad things to each other and that even though I miss her mom as a friend, we just can't be friends right now. And that's ok. All was good and it was a nice unbiased SHORT conversation. Maria is now my best friend by the way, which I LOVE. because what kind of mother says that their own father will ignore them???? I MEAN REALLY????

So I calmed Bob down, because he really wanted to talk to her about it. I told him don't bother and that WE will be the better people and as long as the kids are ok, who cares what she says.

Did I mention that the kids also told Bob that Jason said that he saw Bob and I making out????? yeah..... what a nightmare.

All is fine.

Then this morning I get a call from Bob.

Apparently Bobby ran away from her. Idk why but I am assuming the kids told her they were with me yesterday and Lisa got mad. Lisa started running her mouth and he just didn't want to hear it. Anyway, she called Bob and started laying into him. She said that she and her aunt are going to tell Jesse about our affair and that her aunt has wanted to tell Jesse for years about mine and Bobs "affair".......

WHAT THE FUCK????

So I tell Bob not to worry about it because Jesse won't believe a word that Lisa says ( or anyone that is associated with Lisa ) He is mad because he got woken up at 9am when he worked until 6am..... and LISA KNEW THAT.

Here's my beef.

WHY CAN'T LISA JUST LAY OFF????

WHY IS SHE TURNING INTO THIS WHACKO CRAZY PERSON WITH ALL THESE MAKE BELIEVE ACCUSATIONS?????

WHY would she want to torture her children like that?

GAWD she makes me angry.

Fuck her.

Who cares even if I was having an affair with Bob, ya know??? SHE MOVED ON, why can't he????

It's been awhile....

Wow, Sorry for the lack of updates.......

So yeah... my birthday was great. The day was pretty chaotic because the kids did nothing but fight, but after Jesse got home it got A LOT better. We went to dinner, Outback..... my choice :) haha...... Then we went for ice cream ( instead of having a cake... ) and went home. Jesse got me a bottle of my fav perfume and a cool shirt from AE. I have to say I felt pretty damn special...... I had messages from almost everyone on myspace for my b-day, comments on this blog for my b-day and messages on facebook.... my dad even sent an e-card! So yeah, it's good to be me :) Atleast it was on July 16 :)

Other than that things have been pretty busy. I have been doing the intern thing which makes for busy weekends. Not to mention the family visits with Jesses fam and normal household stuff. That's really the reason why I have not been updating this here bloggerooo......

OH! I have to tell you..... my ex husband decided to tell me that he AGAIN met up with an old friend for drinks and she "pleasured" him. The "friend" is about 350 pounds and UGLY. Not to mention a BIG OLE BITCH who used to torture me on a semi daily basis...... including my first day back to work after Al left. My first job and I am getting hassled via text by some crazy loon.... nice eh??? anyway, I am thinking that he has a serious sexual addiction. I had a dream last night that I told his gf about his rumbles with TONS of women since he has been with her.... She really deserves better. No one deserves to be cheated on like that. It just makes me wonder HOW MANY women where there REALLY when he and I were together.

Things with my ex's mother are still the same. She is really getting on my nerves and Jesse does not like it one bit that I talk to her. So I have been trying to stay clear of the texts and the CONSTANT askings of where her son is. I don't answer her, and then when I do, she gets mad and starts asking WHY am I mad at her and then says mean things. I have considered changing my phone number..... That's how bad it is. Today she texted me to tell me she used my name and number for a reference for an apartment. Yeah, thanks for telling me.

Fuck.

Sometimes I want to be mean. Sometimes I want to hold on to the "friendship" because I don't have a mom..... it's really a roller coaster. But, I have to remember its not a friendship. She just uses me to find out where her son is and to make phone calls for her. I am surprised she has not asked me for money....... **** remember that angi.

This past weekend was SOOOOOOOO hot. On saturday I went to cover the Burger Fest in Hamburg for buff.com. It was soooooooooo effing hot. I was sweating..... and I dont sweat. BUT, we spent a couple of hours walking around and I got about 25 pictures. After that we had a party to go to for our landlords 5 year old son. We had to swing by Toys R us to pick up a gift and then headed to the party. It was a lot of fun and our landlords really are SUPER nice people. They make us feel like one of the family, which is great. The kids had a blast playing in the bounce house that our landlord has and the pool, swingset and don't forget the HUGE cake!!! It was a lot of fun.......

After that we went home and I chizzled off the kiddos ( they were COVERED in dirt and cake ) and put them to bed.... they actually asked to go to bed..... and I got to go out for a bit! It was a lot of fun...... I got home at about 3am. There are more details to be offered......buuuuuut unfortunately the kids are being buttheads and won't stop fighting.....

so yeah, I must go.

KIDS!!!!

Happy Birthday to me..... tomorrow.

So, here I am........

I am almost 32 years old.

What's different this year????

I'm not working.

That's really it.

pittiful, isn't it?

Fuck.

Have you ever felt completely STUCK?

That's me. STUCK.

I feel like I have accomplished NOTHING.

that's the end of my pitty party tho.... seriously.

This year WILL be fucking different.

I am going back to school.

I am interning with the Buffalo News.

I am closer with my father.

I am closer with my family.

Allyn and I can maintain a friendship for the sake of the children.

I have a lot to do this year and god dammit 32 WILL be different.

IT WILL......

So, happy effing birthday to me..... tomorrow.

I will have cake...... lots of cake.

McGu!re, out.

So, XMIL is still in wellsville...... I told Allyn about it. He suggested that I ask her if it's ok to ask her sister to help find storage and an apartment ( because she lives in Wellsville ) and she said NO. So I texted Allyn, let him know and he said "I guess there is nothing I can do"..... So later, she texts me and asks if I will have "time" to chat with her around 8:30 via text. I say, sure...... she texts me at 8:30, just as I am getting the kids out of the tub...... asks if I am available. I don't respond in the first 5 minutes and she says....... I guess your busy. I will just pray for my situation.

Ugh.

So I am officially washing my hands of it at this point.

Moving on........

Good news:

I am officially an intern for The Buffalo News ( Buffalo.com) taking pictures at Buffalo Events :) I am super excited. I went and met with them yesterday and the program sounds really fun and it won't cost me any money..... they pay for entrance and I get credentials if I need it. Cool, right????

So the other day Kevin asked me if my former BFF's son could come spend the night. I figure I will ask Bob because he has the kids A LOT and I am pretty good friends with him. We work it out and he tells me that he has to make sure that he has the kids on that day. So yesterday he texts me and asks if Kevin still wants the boy to spend the night. I say yep, and I call him. He tells me that my XBFF said that its ok for the boy to spend the night BUT *I* am not allowed to say anything bad about her or my ex fiance. I pass that off because there is no way I would ever do that in front of MY kids let alone hers.... ya know???? Then he says that the kids are with her and she would have to drive the boy here but she does not want to SEE or TALK to me. Ok, that's where I draw the line. I told Bob that there is NO WAY I would put the boy through that tension. I told him that I would just wait until Bob has the kids and we would pick a day when he could come over.

What is she thinking? Why can't she just be an adult?????

But whatever...... since I AM THE ONE who told her that I don't want to be friends with her anymore I guess SHE IS calling the shots when it comes to our children playing together.

Hate is a strong word, but she is scraping the hate barrel right about now. I wish she had the URL for this website because maybe then she could read about how her children are not coming first and she is being a jealous self centered BITCH!

teehee.... i feel better.

So this weekend I am covering the Taste of Buffalo for Buffalo.com and we are having a birthday party for moi tomorrow at J's parents house. Should be a fun weekend..... Kevin is going to Darien Lake on Sunday with Chase and Shannon......... should be a buuuuuuuusy weekend!

So have a great weekend everyone..... and Lindsy, ENJOY YOUR VACATION!

Oh yeah, it gets better.

So here I am, lil ole me, hangin out with my kiddos........ when I get EIGHT text messages from my XMIL....

EIGHT.

She is almost out of money. Has a Uhaul truck that she has had for a week, maybe more.... has nowhere to live..... and has been sick on top of everything.

And guess what.... she cannot get ahold of her son. Are you surprised? Funny, because I can get ahold of him just fine..... he just doesn't want to respond to his mom.

So here I am, lil ole me, hangin out with my kiddos--- scratch that, worrying about my XMIL.

Fuck.

So here's the story.

She told her landlords MONTHS ago that she was moving.

She decided MONTHS ago, because "god" told her, that she needed to move to Wellsville.

All is ok, right???? I mean, she has money from her parents inheritance that she has, PLUS she gets SSDI and SSI..... I mean, she SHOULD have PLENTY of money.

no, wrong.

She NEVER ONCE looked for an apartment in wellsville. Instead, seeing as she has been EVICTED from about 10 apartments in the last 10 years and her credit SUCKS ASS WORSE THAN MINE that she would try to buy a house. A HOUSE!!!!!

Yeah, so here she is, she HAS to get out of her apartment that she has lived in for the last year. She hires movers, and a uhaul truck and takes off for wellsville EVEN THOUGH she has NOWHERE to go.

The house deal "fell through"...... DUH!!!!

She has a Uhaul truck with her things in it, at 39.95 per day...... is all of a sudden OUT OF MONEY as she claims that someone MUST have taken it out of her account without her knowing *** again.......

OMG.

So she is living in the Uhaul truck. Is almost out of money. And is asking ME to contact Allyn for her.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

I am pissed off to say the least. This is bullshit.

HOW MANY TIMES does this have to happen???? HOW MANY STUPID decisions does she have to make before ALL of her family ( including Allyn ) won't talk to her anymore????

SHE doesn't want to upset Allyn with this but SHE wants ME to call him for her??? why so I CAN UPSET HIM FOR HER????

Fuck.

I am too fucking old and WAYYYY divorced from this situation to deal with this.

As of the end of the month it will be FIVE years since he left me. FIVE YEARS.... why am I still dealing with this shit?

guilt.... that's why. Because my mother is no longer here and she is the only maternal figure I have.

Crazy and all......

Note to self:

Before you turn the oven on, make sure that the broiler is not stuffed with stuffed toys and paper.

Thank you Justin.

**** also note, things like this make ash appear EVERYWHERE, including inside my nose.

My mom's burial

I forgot to tell everyone that I got a call from my aunt last weekend. *** maybe it was 2 weeks ago....

anyway.

She got a post card from the University at Buffalo regarding my mother's final burial.

It will be September 18 at 10am. I am getting more info soon, as to where and whomever wants to come can if they let me know. I have to get a final count for them prior to the event.

Can you believe it's been this long and they are just laying her to rest now?

I almost forgot.

Yesterday afternoon I get a text from Al's mom, after I texted her asking her how she's doing.

It said:

"How are you doing, haven't heard from you in awhile"

I reply:

"I am ok, just been busy. How have you been?"

She says:

"I was ok until last night when I got sick. As I told Al last night, I am moving"

I say:

"I am sorry to hear your sick, when and where are you moving?"

She says:

"I am not telling anyone the details because it is a big change, just don't worry"

I say:

"ok? Why not say where your moving?"

She says:

"don't worry, I really am fine"

I'm aggravated at this point because I think she is making drama for all of us, or atleast trying to.

So I text Al and ask if he has heard WHERE she is moving. He said he hasn't heard yet.

So I am like ok, she is trying to make people worry. Why be so secretive? And we all know her decision making process isn't the best. So why wouldn't we worry?

So she texts me later on in the evening.

She says:

Has Allyn contacted you?

I say:

Yes, I texted him earlier today and we chatted for a minute. Why do you ask?

She says:

Did he say he was worried about me?

Im thinking at this point that she is trying to make him worry. It reminds me A LOT of the shit my mother used to pull. I start getting annoyed, probably because of the situation with my mother and how things ended.

I say:

We don't talk about you.

She says:

I just wondered if he was worried about me.

I say:

He always plays tough guy with me anyway so even if he was worried, I would never know.

She says:

I thought he would open up to you. I have to go now, but will catch up with you later.

I end the convo because I am angry that she is trying to make people worry about her.

DRAMA+PMS=not happy Angi.

the. end.

asshole

I must ask you all a question.

If you constantly bitch about money and ALWAYS complain that you have to work SO MUCH in order to pay things like CHILD SUPPORT and of course your alcohol habit......

DO YOU REALLY NEED A MOPED?

Yes, that's right, I said moped. He fucking bought a moped. Not a motorcycle. Actually he told me he was buying a motorcycle..... um, no. It's more like a bicycle with wheels moped. One that probably sounds like a lawn mower, and goes about as fast.

FOR WHAT? WHAT DO YOU NEED THAT FOR? It won't drive the 45 minutes you drive everymorning on the thruway to work...... hell, it won't last that long because it SCREAMS 1976....... I mean what the fuck are you thinking?

Well atleast I can be comforted to know it probably cost like 200.00..... a mere fraction of his weekly paycheck.

Ugh.

I am frustrated. I know that he is scum. I know that he doesn't deserve these kids, but that doesn't mean the shit he does doesn't piss me off. ( although I was cleaning the bathroom yesterday and found some "scum" that looked JUST LIKE HIM..... I swear, and oddly enough it was behind the toilet.... should have been IN the toilet. ahemmmmmmmmm.

I am really sick of him acting like a fucking child when I GET ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY of being the adult in this parenting "partnership". He goes out every night, drinks every night and does things like camping with friends and going to the farm.

FUCK.

I can't even remember the last time I was kid free for long enough to do ANYTHING! I don't even get to pee by myself. ****which reminds me I need to fix that door handle so it locks.

GAWD.

Can someone please tell me the logic?

I am TIRED. It's been a long 4 ( almost 5 ) years. ( actually, on 7/31 it will be FIVE YEARS since he left me ) ah yes, what a memory. Funny how I remember that date, but have to look at the divorce papers for that date. ugh.

I want a fucking break.

I have more gray hair than I care to admit and its because I don't ever get a break. Seriously, the other day, the cat threw up on the rug and it sat there for 2 days because Jesse said he would clean it up. I let it sit there because a) it was on his side of the bed and b) when he says he will clean shit up, he NEVER does it. Just like the plant dirt that got spilled all over the stairs leading outside ( in our hallway leading to the front door ) that sat there overnight that HIS cats knocked over and again, he said he would clean it up and NEVER DID.

god.

im tired.

im considering taking about 5 sleeping pills just so I can get some uninterrupted sleep.