Wednesday, April 16, 2008


Have you ever heard a noise or smelled a smell and had it remind you of some great memory that made you want to literally jump out of your current time and visit the past when that memory was created?

yeah me too.

It happened today as a matter of fact.

When my family moved from Wayland to Buffalo we had to sell almost all of our appliances. So as you can imagine we had no fridge, no stove and no dishwasher ( duh dunnn dunnnnnn ) . My parents went out one morning and bought this BRAND new fridge and stove. The fridge had one of those ice makers in it with the water thingie that was DA BOMB. I mean really..... I thought we were RICHIE RICH because our fridge could give me cold water and ice cubes without using the sink or ice cube trays. *** I found out later that the fridge was a pain in the ass and leaked all the damn time and everywhere we moved it was a CHORE to hook that baby up. Fo sho. Anyway, my mother drank ALL her beverages with ice cubes in it. ALL, even water. It's one of those things where if I heard that sound I knew she was home from work or up from sleeping. It's just that kind of noise.......

I heard that sound today and it immediately made me remember. It made me remember my mom and how I KNOW she loved me. It made me remember how she supported me when I was younger when I needed it. It made me remember how I kissed both my parents goodnight until I moved in with Allyn at 21 years of age. It made me remember how close I used to be to my parents......

It made me miss my mom.

I wish I had pleasant memories of her last few years. It pains me that I don't. I wish I could change it. I wish she wasn't sick. I wish she didn't die. I wish my dad hadn't have left her when she needed him most. I wish her mind was ok enough to know that what she was telling my family about me and my father wasn't true.

It's so sad when you lose someone your not ready to lose. In my case it was my mom. I know she's watching me. I know she's my angel. And to some extent thats ok. I just wish I could hug her. I just wish I could watch my moms reaction when my comedienne daughter calls me a buttboobie or my 9 year old acts just like I did as a kid. I wish I could see her smile when my sweet little 3 year old calls me a penis.

Call it selfish, call it sadness even though it isn't, call it what you will. I miss my mom.........

I love the memories. It's the touching I miss. The laughter that she used to let out when my father did something funny. The smells and the sounds. Ice cubes and all.


Special K said...

That was very sweet and had me wiping a couple of tears away.
Yes, smells, sounds, and music does this to me a lot!
It is bittersweet and downright heartbreaking at times but don't you love a good memory?
I wish they could of all been good for you.
Lots hugs and love to you!!

Kirsten said...

Memories, bad and good, make us who we are and being reminded of them is something that we need from time to time. music is my big memory bringer backer.

Ladiebug said...

Whenever I go by a lilac bush I am reminded of my grandmother. She always smelled like them...her and I clashed when I was a child. I was wordy and my odler sister was quiet so I was the spoiled brat. But I loved my grandma and wish i could walk her in her wheel chair instead of doing pop a wheelies while she was in it. I alwyas hope she is looking down proud to see that I did calm down a!
Alrighty Penis I gotta jet!
Hugs to you!!!

Greg said...

I am a New York Times bestselling author working on a new book about mother-daughter relationships and thought you might want to contribute. Please visit my page for details about submitting stories for Mom's Little Angel.

Gregory E. Lang
Author of “Daddy’s Little Girl,” “Why a Daughter Needs a Dad,” “Why a Daughter Needs a Mom” and more.