I know it's been awhile.
I am sorry.
Kay, I didn't ignore your comment about emailing you, I just didn't want to jinx it in any way. I hope you understand :)
First off, we now have 20 cats in this house. As of last night. Lola, who isn't even a year old, had 4 kittens. After what occurred yesterday morning........ ( HUGE cat fight and Jesse got in the middle trying to break it up thus causing him to get hurt pretty bad thus causing us to take him to the ER because the last batch of scratches he had from a fight swelled up and hurt like an SOB for TWO WEEKS ) I have officially called the ASPCA. ALL OF THEM are going. That will leave us with 2 cats. that are fixed. Yesterday, after the attack, Jesse was balling uncontrollably at the thought of getting rid of just the boy cats that were fighting. It broke my heart to see him hurt like that..... but ya know what???? I had to have Bailee sleep in Kevin and Justins room last night because it is the only bedroom ( besides mine ) that has a door. Why? because the cats keep fighting. Yes again, round 3 actually.... at 3am.
Jesse will hate me. For more reasons than just this..........
As everyone knows, my relationship with Jesse has been up and down and sideways for YEARS. We probably wouldn't be together if it hadn't of been for Justin. And honestly, I am just as guilty of that choice as he is...... There are many reasons that it's not working and all of those reasons NEVER change no matter how much I threaten that I WILL leave. I won't go into specifics. But they are good enough reasons to leave. I don't want to trash him. He is a good person when he wants to be and I really don't want to hurt him..... I just can't live like this anymore.
I have been seeing someone else.
I promised myself I wouldn't cheat again and it has been a year or so since I have..... the problem is this just fell into my lap and this is NOT about sex AT ALL. AND I have known this person since I was 18.
In all honesty I have had a crush on him for YEARS. He has always been such a stand up guy, a great father, a great husband and a VERY loving person since I have known him. That hasn't changed no matter what he has gone through........
He has walked into my life and swept me off my feet. The way he cares, the way he treats my children and the way he loves ( yes I said it ) me and the kids makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My heart flutters everytime he texts or calls me...... When he isn't working 12 hour shifts we are together with ALL of our children and its amazing. AMAZING. I don't even know if there are any negatives to him..... I mean... I KNOW, I just don't care.....??? if that's possible. He has asked me to move in with him. I told him that I want to wait a year until school ends next year and that I don't want to rush into things. Especially since Kevin has A LOT to look forward to this coming year. He has a house, with a backyard and wants me to come and repaint and finish the things that his ex wife tore up.......
I don't know what to do guys. Honestly, I am scared to death. If I uproot my kids it will be FOREVER and I THOUGHT that a year would prove that maybe he's into it forever.... even tho he has NO DOUBT that he is, I still have doubt because I am an ass.... sigh.
What do I do?
Yes, J can be an asshole. But what happens if the cats go and things get better? MOST of my miserable-ness is because I spent HOURS AND HOURS cleaning up after the cats. What if I am just being miserable and looking for something better because of something stupid?