Tuesday, October 14, 2008


After a really crappy weekend here I am.

I need you guys to know that the kids had 3 meals ( normal portioned ) everyday. They had juice and really didn't notice anything different. I did not eat normally. Jesse did, because he is diabetic and the children did because they are by far the most important things in my life.

Here's what happened.

We normally go grocery shopping on Wednesday nights. Because he gets paid. We haven't been able to go grocery shopping because I have school, he has school Tuesday and Thursday and since he was put back on the day shift we have not gone all out grocery shopping. ( we were shopping during the day while he was home ) Last time we went grocery shopping we got 250.00 worth of food that lasted us until Thursday ( probably a month ). That's planned meals. Friday night I had some burger in the freezer and we had mac n cheese and rice with them. That officially emptied out the freezer.

Saturday night I made leftovers for the kids and Jesse said he was going to run to the store to get something for us. I thought that was weird. But whatever...... so I suggested pizza rolls and salad for us. ( I was lazy and it is a cheap meal ) So he went to the store and bought a small bag of pizza rolls and toilet paper. I thought this was weird because he eats a lot more pizza rolls and that is clearly not enough for us. So I thought about it and asked him how much money he has. He told me "enough".......

It aggravates me when he does this. It is pretty easy to say "Im low on cash" and to do it NOT AT THE LAST MINUTE........ but no. he waited until the last minute.

So sunday morning we get up, I finish my cereal, Jesse finishes his and the kids eat the last of the cereal. We are now out of cereal. shit. I'm thinking, ok, he can run out later.

Lunch time comes, the kids finish up the pasta and sauce. I eat a salad with the rest of the salad ingredients. I am REALLY upset at this point.

I KNOW that he doesn't have money and yet he refuses to tell me and the more I think about it the more scared I get because there are NO snacks to fall back on, there is NOTHING in the cupboard and I am SCARED.

We manage to wrangle up a pack of chicken that has been in the fridge that I thought was bad. We have chicken and rice for dinner.

Monday comes along. Cereal is gone. I just used up the last of the bread for the kids for toast. I go into my room and tell Jesse he better find a way to get money.

The scrap he said he had to return??? yeah.... nada. NOTHING. So he starts texting me from outside to ask BOB if he has any money we can borrow. WHAT???? He also said he asked his sister... WHAT??????? I told him he better get on the phone with someone because I am about ready to lose my shit.

He starts searching through the house for change. I had 1.50 in my purse and he took that and got peanut butter and bread ( we had jelly ) and I ate pb&j and so did the kids. FINALLY he gets ahold of his grandfather and borrows 40.00 to get groceries for Monday and Tuesday. ( he should get paid today ) We BARELY get enough but we finally have enough food in the house for 3 meals a day until Wednesday morning.

So we are at the grocery store and I am loading into the trunk...... I see a pile of mail in the trunk. CAR INSURANCE.... in COLLECTION... which means that it's been cancelled for ATLEAST 2 months. WHAT??????

I am PISSED. not only did HE create this issue this weekend where I stressed so fucking much my stomach felt like someone was stabbing me.... but he LIED about the bills being paid AGAIN. AND NOW I am going to have to spend my college refund grant check to fix this car situation. I had PLANS for that fucking money. Like, Justin needs a bed!!!! GOD DAMMIT. I am so tired of bailing him out. Oh, and I told him that he has to drive me to and from school until the car situation is fixed. because its his fucking mistake HE is going to get in trouble for driving a car without insurance.... NOT ME.

So we get home and I lay into him. He is in tears. I was SCREAMING at him that he has to fucking tell me this shit!!! I could have not paid the cable bill with my cs and paid the fucking insurance! OR I could have paid it all!!!! ( it would have taken every penny I had, but so what!!! ) He just doesn't think. He doesn't tell me this shit until its too late and now we are in trouble again. AGAIN with the fucking insurance. GOD DAMMIT! I had no idea. I mean how could i???? I paid cable, gas, phone and got some groceries. WHY could he not pay rent and the insurance??? thats all the bills we have.... THATS IT! WHY can't we afford this place???? ( he fucking asked me that ) I SAID WE CAN!!!! I PAY 70% of the fucking bills WHERE THE FUCK DOES YOUR MONEY GO????

I think his bank account is fucked up again and I think he has been hiding this shit from me because he is afraid.

He told me it upsets him to see me upset about money.

I told him THEN TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH! I can help you figure this out!!!

Is it EVER going to change?????

We BARELY made it through this one. BARELY.

I am getting cs this weekend and I am getting the kids' halloween costumes and new winter coats/hats/gloves and I am going to have to pay the gas bill again and probably the cable bill. I am also going to stock the fuck up on food. The rest is going in a hiding spot in my room ( all but 150.00 of it so I can pay the past due insurance but Im not sure I will have enough for a downpayment for a new policy ) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

As I type I have no idea how the fuck I am supporting this house on 775 a month.

Well, minus him paying the rent. I will say that he has paid that. But, he makes 17.00 an hour. Where is the rest of it going?

1 comment:

Special K said...

I think you are doing everything right. I too would want to know where the money went. We recently got a computer program that tells you where it goes, not a pretty sight LOL. YOu enter it into the computer and it puts it into categories. We didn't realize how much went to eating out. That used to be our downfall but moving out to the country kicked that in the butt! $17 an hour is a lot of money here I can imagine it isn't there because of price differences. In a way he sounds scared to death of losing you so he omits things, but you are right he needs to talk to you so together you can work things out, not leave you in the dark freaking out!